If a doctor suggested a simple way to cut down on your risk of illness, reduce stress, and boost your ability to eat healthy and exercise, you’d likely give it a try, right? Surprisingly, the solution isn’t what you’d expect: it’s about practicing self-compassion. In the spirit of a holiday focused on love, let’s think about a different kind of love—the love we show ourselves.
The phrase “learn to love yourself” isn’t just an empty cliché. It genuinely affects both our physical and mental well-being. As moms, we’re often great at encouraging and supporting our kids, telling them it’s okay to make mistakes and cheering them on. But do we talk to ourselves in the same supportive way? Probably not.
There’s plenty of research these days highlighting the health benefits of treating yourself with kindness and self-compassion. Although not typically a doctor’s standard advice, being patient and understanding with ourselves can significantly improve our overall health. This approach can be beneficial for our families too.
Compassion generally involves being caring towards others, rooted in its Latin origin meaning “to suffer together.” Self-compassion is simply redirecting that kindness inward, acknowledging our own struggles with patience and warmth. While it’s easy to offer understanding to others, it’s often difficult to extend the same to ourselves.
Before improving our internal dialogue, let’s clarify what self-compassion isn’t. Many people resist the idea thinking it’s prideful or weak, but studies show self-compassionate people exhibit less anxiety and procrastination. According to Kristen Neff, PhD, an expert in self-compassion, it’s about nurturing ourselves to reach our potential, not excusing laziness. It focuses on the messages we tell ourselves daily, impacting us physically and mentally.
Self-compassion is distinct from self-esteem, which is often influenced by external factors. When self-esteem is low, self-compassion becomes even more important. In a competitive, productivity-driven culture, self-compassion is often overlooked, especially by moms juggling countless responsibilities. It’s hard to forgive ourselves when things don’t go as planned.
Dr. Neff suggests journaling daily for 5-10 minutes to reflect on our thoughts. Ask yourself if these thoughts are kind or true. Tools like mindfulness and meditation aids can help tame a busy mind. Although some might find self-compassion whimsical, research shows it greatly benefits mental health, happiness, optimism, and more. It’s linked to lower anxiety and depression, and even boosts healthy habits like better eating and exercise.
Physiologically, self-compassion reduces stress by deactivating the fight-or-flight response and promoting relaxation. Just a few minutes of meditation or positive thinking can lower cortisol levels. For those mired in self-criticism or guilt, self-compassion can be strengthened over time through various exercises and techniques.
Reflect on the messages you tell yourself daily. Write them down and challenge their truth. Redefine your inner dialogue with supportive, accurate statements. Celebrate your achievements, small or big, and involve your kids in recognizing the good moments.
Mom guilt is exhausting. Embrace your limits and let go of impossible standards. Experiment with various self-compassion practices to find what suits you best. With some practice, you’ll find yourself—and those around you—benefiting from greater kindness.
Being aware of your inner thoughts isn’t easy, but how you talk to yourself truly impacts your health. Try these self-compassion tips and see the difference it makes!
Remember, this information isn’t personal medical advice. It’s always best to consult your doctor for health-related decisions. What mindfulness exercises do you practice to boost self-compassion? How’s your self-talk? Share your thoughts!
